permission to rest

so not only am i a certified barista at starbucks….

but i am a teacher.

yep.

as of january 2011 i became a readers theater teacher.

do you even know what that is?

i didn’t.

and now let me tell you, i do.

and i really enjoy it. truly.

with the exception of a little something called

performance day.

its a guaranteed sweaty upper lip day.

its when all of my classes, kindergarten through middle school, perform in front of  all their parents and grandparents.

while i run around like a sweaty nervous woman trying to organize props, scripts, and costumes.

and if you know me at all…you can grin at the thought of me doing all that.

so needless to continue explaining…it’s a ridiculous day.

well that day is in three days.

oh dear. here we go again.

this wednesday, if you think of me, rest assured that i’m going to be in a complete frenzy until 3:00 pm.

then the school year will round to a close and my burden will  be lifted a great deal.

and summer is HERE!!!

the last three months for ben and i have been extremely busy. and we are anticipating the rest that is coming.

we have learned a lot about rest the last couple years and so we have entered this season circumspectly and have tried to create as many pockets of rest as possible.

we have said no a lot.

we bought a swing for our backyard.

i can’t tell you how restful it is in this beautiful weather to take my family outside and gently swing while drinking a glass of wine.

everyone should have a swing.

we have spent time together.

we have ran together.

i haven’t cooked as much. we have had a few chik fila dinners and cold cereal nights.

we have gone to bed early together.

we have woken up early together too

we have paced ourselves.

 i think its because we are more familiar with what our capacity is.

and we know what replenishes us  more than before.

we know how to rest a little bit better. and together.

in a season where things have been difficult for us, ben and i have been able to look at each other and say,

“at the very least, we have taken care of our family.”

we know that our decision to fight for our family, to follow Jesus, and to grow these crazy things called missional communities, is not a sprint.

its a marathon.

its a long obedience in the right direction.

so we don’t want to burn out. we pace ourselves.

we feel like God has been telling us to grow roots.

the week that we are in currently has been super busy.

so we asked ourselves,

“what would be particularly life-giving and fun to do, to get us through these next two weeks?”

ben was under the impression that an expensive bottle of whiskey would be his indulgence. a cocktail in the evening.

i was under the impression that a pedicure with emri would be fun.

so we did.

whisky and pedicures for the myers.

i think it helped

here is em right before we went to get our pedicures.

you know, i don’t tell her to pose. that’s all emri.

here is our finished product.

our girlie toes.

ahhh. permission to rest.

***

unforced rhythms of grace

i’m sitting here on my couch this morning. three different versions of the bible on my lap and about four moleskines. emri is dressed as a princess riding her rocking horse.

she asked for her bible while riding her horse.

momma, can you give me my bible please? i need to know where i’m going.

are you freaking kidding me?

it seems like this is the first morning we’ve had at home in a long time.

i’m soaking up time reading and reflecting.

and so i have a new kairos moment:

it seems like the less i read scripture and prayerfully listen to God, the more pressure i put on myself to accomplish things. big things and small things.

let me throw out the quick disclosure that accomplishing things is absolutely necessary. duh. but there are many things i seem to keep putting on my plate to accomplish that distract me from the life i believe God is calling me to live.

 there is so much pressure that builds from this long list of things to do that promise to provide me with some form of self worth, identity, or success… and soon i begin to feel the heavy weight from it.

 sometimes i have to take inventory of the things that are on my plate. filtering through what i’ve placed in my life, sometimes what my insecurity, fear, and lack of identity have placed on the list, and what God has actually commissioned me and empowered me to do.

the more i spend time with God, the more freedom i feel. i experience real rest. and it feels as if God is just taking the extra burdens off my shoulders saying things like

don’t carry that. you don’t have to. i have something else for you.

the things that God has called me to do, i can do. in fact, the energy that is necessary to accomplish what God has called me to do will be sustainable for my family and i. the energy necessary to accomplish all the extras that i have added will not be sustainable. it won’t work. and i run into this a lot. i’m thankful that God brings me to that point so i can learn how to say no to the rest.

in order to obey God, ben and i have had to learn how to say no to good things. we are aware of our capacity and are aware, more than ever before, of what God is calling us to say yes to.

and often times, when you say yes to something, you have to say no to something else.

when i feel worn out and at capacity this verse always pops into my head.

matthew 11:30

are you tired? worn out? burned out on religion? 

come to me. get away with me. and you’ll recover your life.

i’ll show you how to take a real rest.

walk with me and work with me

watch how i do it.

 learn the unforced rhythms of grace.

i won’t lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you.

keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

ben and i live a pretty simple life. we have said no to a lot. and its Jesus that has given us the courage to say no to some of the things our culture presses on us.

but i’ll trade it. i’ll trade it all to learn the unforced rhythms of grace. nothing compares to keeping company with the Lord and experiencing his rest. nothing.

***

vacation

the myers family went on vacation this week. we rested from everything.

we left emri wtih my parents and headed to branson for 3 days by ourselves. and then went back and picked up emri to finish vacation all together.

and we had andy’s ice cream.

every single day. 

so? …people do that.

and went to the pool

every single day

and got sonic real fruit slushies which emri called sushlie’s

which made ben and i look at each other and smile. so thankful we have this little 3 year old who we get to share little things like slushies with.

but back to the ice cream, because i cannot, for the love, stop thinking about it.

i cannot tell you how delicious and creamy andy’s frozen custard is.

sorry ben for posting this picture. i realize that it isn’t very fair to you. if you saw what picture i was close to posting, you would be thankful i opted for this one. i love you.

we got to spend time reading and praying and being alone with God.  we did this every morning. i on the balcony and ben inside. i can’t tell you how refreshing this was. perfect. spending time in reflection and solitude is everything.

i think it may have been our favorite part of vacation. waking up to jesus and then getting to spend the rest of the day together.

and we also did this.

and then after those first three days, we went back and got our little stinker. we missed her and were excited to have her with us.

and here is sweet little ben and i. seriously. how much does she look like ben?

 and if you have ever been to branson, you won’t be surprised at all by this picture i took.

we took emri to the butterfly palace. a little indoor rainforest with butterflies flying around everywhere. little girls love that kind of stuff. and maybe 30 year old girls do too. crap. am i really turning 30 this summer? shoot. anyway, took emri to the butterfly palace because there wasn’t much to do outside of truly ridiculous shows.

look how much fun emri is having!

it was pretty cute. we had a good time minus emri sort of getting a fever toward the end. poor little thing. but look how excited ben is about this blue morpho? where did the rest of his little wing go?

there you have it, a little snipit from our vacation.

***

roots

i’m looking at this picture of a tree deeply rooted into the ground. its roots are intricate, strong, full of life, producing such stability and strength. i look at roots with such fascination now. breathtaking. roots carry such symbolism to me. so much so i don’t know that i’ll be able to make it through this post without tearing up.

how i long for roots.

i used to resist growing roots. i didn’t even realize it. i think i was fearful of relational commitment. maybe fearful i would let someone down. or that they would let me down. maybe i even feared that my burdens felt so heavy, how could i have the capacity to carry someone else’s? or maybe i just didn’t want them to see my baggage up close. so somewhere along the line i decided i was going to fight this spiritual battle on my very own. just me and God. and i actually convinced myself that this was biblical. as if i didn’t need anyone but Jesus. typing it out even now, makes me twinge. i lived a huge portion of my life this way. avoiding consistent connection with others as if i had a biblical permit to do so. what foolishness. we need each other. we need God. but we are a body. we are one. of course we need each other to thrive. we were created for God. but we were also created for each other. we need to be close enough in each other’s lives where we can see what is inside each other. that’s how we protect each other. that is real community. its not that people can save us, its that God has chosen to reach down and interact with our lives and he has chosen people to be an extension of his grace. whether or not we drop the ball. and if this type of intimacy isn’t occurring in our lives within the context of community, i think is prevents us from growing strong roots. thats why i think community is worth fighting for.

as beautiful as solitude is, as much as i believe it should be a thriving part of our life’s rhythm… its only a part. i made it bigger than it should have been. it enabled my immaturity and prevented me from growing roots. roots temper my immaturity. they keep me from inconsistency and retreating in fear. i ran from roots. and somehow God threw me into marriage very quickly and allowed me to grow a tiny soul in my belly nine months later. all of which threw me right into a steady motion of growing roots. i fought it. i cried a whole lot of tears. there were times when it felt that these roots were growing just a little too strong too fast. i wanted my load to be lighter. i wanted to drift when i felt like drifting. i wanted to flee when i felt like fleeing. you can’t flee with roots. you can blow a bit. you can have solitude. but only in balance. because you are rooted down. and being rooted is beautiful. i fear that some people will never experience this beauty because they are so afraid of roots.

you see, without roots, you can’t grow. you can’t bloom flowers in spring. you can’t bear fruit in the summer. you can’t see who you might become. and you certainly can’t multiply. you can’t stretch your branches into the sky, giving full glory to the One who created you to be exactly who you are.

my friend blakely described roots like this, “when i think about the oaks of righteousness that are found in the book isaiah , it reminds me that our trees have to have strong roots so we can grow branches tall and wide enough for someone to actually sit under them to find rest and shade.” thats what the kingdom of God is. its us actually investing long enough relationally to grow roots. so that we can become huge oaks that people can actually rest under. if we don’t stay put long enough to grow roots we won’t be shelter for anyone. Jesus is worth sharing because he is shelter. thats why the kingdom is worth sharing. people need that shelter. i need that shelter.

i desire earnestly, a root system beneath me. i want it to grow intricately and complex, with strength, stability, and nourishment. through the nourishment of scripture  and intimacy with God and investing in community. so when heavy winds blow, my branches may bend, but i’m rooted into something deeper than my emotions, fears, insecurity, and lack of faith sometimes. i want a root system the enables me to stretch my branches toward the sun and bear fruit in season. fruit that points to a God that is real. a God that is worth everything we are holding back.

yes. i want roots. so i can bear fruit.

fruit that bears fruit. that bears fruit. that bears fruit.

***

rest

we are really doing it! i’m so excited.

last year ben and i went through a painful period. it just felt like dishelveled chaos. every time an event or special occasion would come around that would involve even the tiniest measure of preparation. we would, without fail, arrive late, disheveled, and sweaty. not to mention that our tiny, little home was left with debris everywhere. bless its little heart. little home, we have treated you so poorly.we would show up and forget the disorder of our home, even though we would bear the weight of it on our shoulders as we mingled. i don’t even think we realized it. every time i told myself, “never again. i cannot live this way.” but then ironically my “never again” was all the time. frankly, i just didn’t know how to get out of it. i didn’t even know where to start. i felt like there were things in life to really take in and enjoy, but i was too overwhelmed to enjoy the precious moments that seemed to keep slipping by. so thus began my search for sanity. one thing i knew: i needed to get organized.and i needed to know what i was supposed to be offering to the world around me. what have i been created to do? and unless i get organized, i will never do it.

summer 2010. i decided to go to a discipleship conference that really and truly was a divine intervention.  so here is my “aha” moment. i can really learn from Jesus. i can really do things the way he did. in a variety of ways. there are many simple things my family is learning from him. but let’s start with one. (more to come). this one is my favorite. counter-intuitive as it may appear…

rest.

even the word itself is invigorating. we need rest. we weren’t created to run around like chickens with our heads cut off. although some people like to kid themselves into believing they can really do it all. pish posh. its costing you, or somebody something. and ironically, it’s probably coming at the expense of those dearest to us.

jesus rested. he rested in a rhythm. daily and weekly. he worked out of rest. and he worked knowing that he would return to rest. its the model he laid out for us. it makes so much sense.

so ben and i recognized we needed to guard a sabbath. we also needed little pockets of time to ourselves so we could be replenished. the goal of our time by ourselves: do whatever is life-giving! reading, writing, sleeping, getting a cup of coffee with a friend.. cleaning. whatever feels good at the time. do it. the time is yours. feast yourself in it. enjoy. that’s Jesus’s gift to us. why is it that religious people like to critique people who sin in the way of adultery and other miscellaneous sins, yet they themselves, sin by way of neglecting their rest. a good friend of mine said one time, “maybe if people guarded their rest more, there wouldn’t be as much adultery.” it makes sense.

so let me share with you the small steps my family has taken to lean into this whole blessed idea of rest.

sundays are our family days. i don’t cook. i don’t clean. we eat meals frozen in the freezer. we get lazy. we go out. we are together. its glorious. we can say no if it doesn’t feel life-giving. we’ve planned this day first. all plans come secondary.

sunday morning, ben takes emri from 7:00 am to 12:00. i get to do my own thing. and its splendid. they go on a date.

ben also has four hours of time he can use for whatever feels right to him during the week.

these little rhythms have changed everything. something so simple has the power to change the dynamics of everything. ben and i find that we love each other a little bit more…emri feels loved by her special date time with daddy. not to mention, we just have an increased capacity. let’s rest.

emri and ben on their first sunday morning date. she was so excited!