unforced rhythms of grace

i’m sitting here on my couch this morning. three different versions of the bible on my lap and about four moleskines. emri is dressed as a princess riding her rocking horse.

she asked for her bible while riding her horse.

momma, can you give me my bible please? i need to know where i’m going.

are you freaking kidding me?

it seems like this is the first morning we’ve had at home in a long time.

i’m soaking up time reading and reflecting.

and so i have a new kairos moment:

it seems like the less i read scripture and prayerfully listen to God, the more pressure i put on myself to accomplish things. big things and small things.

let me throw out the quick disclosure that accomplishing things is absolutely necessary. duh. but there are many things i seem to keep putting on my plate to accomplish that distract me from the life i believe God is calling me to live.

 there is so much pressure that builds from this long list of things to do that promise to provide me with some form of self worth, identity, or success… and soon i begin to feel the heavy weight from it.

 sometimes i have to take inventory of the things that are on my plate. filtering through what i’ve placed in my life, sometimes what my insecurity, fear, and lack of identity have placed on the list, and what God has actually commissioned me and empowered me to do.

the more i spend time with God, the more freedom i feel. i experience real rest. and it feels as if God is just taking the extra burdens off my shoulders saying things like

don’t carry that. you don’t have to. i have something else for you.

the things that God has called me to do, i can do. in fact, the energy that is necessary to accomplish what God has called me to do will be sustainable for my family and i. the energy necessary to accomplish all the extras that i have added will not be sustainable. it won’t work. and i run into this a lot. i’m thankful that God brings me to that point so i can learn how to say no to the rest.

in order to obey God, ben and i have had to learn how to say no to good things. we are aware of our capacity and are aware, more than ever before, of what God is calling us to say yes to.

and often times, when you say yes to something, you have to say no to something else.

when i feel worn out and at capacity this verse always pops into my head.

matthew 11:30

are you tired? worn out? burned out on religion? 

come to me. get away with me. and you’ll recover your life.

i’ll show you how to take a real rest.

walk with me and work with me

watch how i do it.

 learn the unforced rhythms of grace.

i won’t lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you.

keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

ben and i live a pretty simple life. we have said no to a lot. and its Jesus that has given us the courage to say no to some of the things our culture presses on us.

but i’ll trade it. i’ll trade it all to learn the unforced rhythms of grace. nothing compares to keeping company with the Lord and experiencing his rest. nothing.

***

quiet space

there are a lot of things that are important to ben and i. a lot of things that we want to instill into emri. things we want to be a part of our family culture. things that become just a part of who we are.

but one of the biggest things we want for emri is for her to know jesus. a part from what she does. we want her to know God. to know his presence, his comfort, his peace, his joy. we want her to experience what its like to start to see God in her life. and to hear him. and the biggest part of experiencing all those things is creating quiet space in our lives to make that happen. and so ben and i do that. its a very strong part of our lives. and we believe that it is immensely important. so little em sees us do it. and i think its precious that i see her doing the same thing…on her own. i know she really doesn’t fully get what she’s doing, but she does know that her little pink bible is a letter written to her by God through the hand of man. and that its important to read it and to talk about it with each other.

its moments like this that warm my heart but also freak me out. okay, so what other things is she observing and emulating that i don’t want her to?

hearing and being with jesus is huge to our family.

this part of our lives speaks of our covenant relationship with Jesus and it speaks a strong sense of identity into us.

the other part of our lives that is immensely important is how we respond to God in what we are experiencing with him.

you know, like the actually carrying out of what we are learning. we find that in all that we experience and receive from God, it is necessary that we respond in obedience.

we call that, “living in God’s kingdom”. meaning, God has a new world order that he wants to bring here on earth. a world order that makes wrong things right.  and for those who are responding to what God is doing and saying in their lives, they are responding to Jesus’ rule and kingdom that he is bringing here and now in the world. a kingdom where wrong things are being made right. some people are responding to God’s kingdom here and they don’t even know it.

but before we respond to God, we have to know him and be with him. and enjoy him, so we can see what he’s doing and respond to it.

call us crazy. but we actually believe all that. : ) but i can’t apologize too much because it has changed our lives dramatically, how could we not respond to it?

***

vacation

the myers family went on vacation this week. we rested from everything.

we left emri wtih my parents and headed to branson for 3 days by ourselves. and then went back and picked up emri to finish vacation all together.

and we had andy’s ice cream.

every single day. 

so? …people do that.

and went to the pool

every single day

and got sonic real fruit slushies which emri called sushlie’s

which made ben and i look at each other and smile. so thankful we have this little 3 year old who we get to share little things like slushies with.

but back to the ice cream, because i cannot, for the love, stop thinking about it.

i cannot tell you how delicious and creamy andy’s frozen custard is.

sorry ben for posting this picture. i realize that it isn’t very fair to you. if you saw what picture i was close to posting, you would be thankful i opted for this one. i love you.

we got to spend time reading and praying and being alone with God.  we did this every morning. i on the balcony and ben inside. i can’t tell you how refreshing this was. perfect. spending time in reflection and solitude is everything.

i think it may have been our favorite part of vacation. waking up to jesus and then getting to spend the rest of the day together.

and we also did this.

and then after those first three days, we went back and got our little stinker. we missed her and were excited to have her with us.

and here is sweet little ben and i. seriously. how much does she look like ben?

 and if you have ever been to branson, you won’t be surprised at all by this picture i took.

we took emri to the butterfly palace. a little indoor rainforest with butterflies flying around everywhere. little girls love that kind of stuff. and maybe 30 year old girls do too. crap. am i really turning 30 this summer? shoot. anyway, took emri to the butterfly palace because there wasn’t much to do outside of truly ridiculous shows.

look how much fun emri is having!

it was pretty cute. we had a good time minus emri sort of getting a fever toward the end. poor little thing. but look how excited ben is about this blue morpho? where did the rest of his little wing go?

there you have it, a little snipit from our vacation.

***

john 17

this is an intense chapter. i’m not really sure where to begin. i don’t even know if i should attach my process to these powerful verses.

i will also say the past couple days have been a little sad for ben and i. we had an appointment with our reproductive specialist and found out that my body has stopped responding to the medicine that i’ve been taking. it kind of felt like we had taken 5 steps back after trying to get pregnant for the last year. so we’ll keep moving forward in our plans. we’ll change up the medicine. and know that we have every reason to trust that God is way bigger than the complications in my body. and that he holds all things together. whatever the case. whatever happens. we can hope in God who desires to fulfill his joy in our lives.

so john 17.

this is Jesus’ prayer to God right before he died. whether or not you believe jesus was actually God, this prayer is still really intense. this is his documented prayer. so if Jesus was just a “good guy”…i’m still blown away by this prayer.

but i believe that Jesus was God. so this prayer deeply moves me. he’s praying for his disciples. and not just for his disciples, but for those who will believe in him through the word of his disciples. wow. thats me. that’s a lot of people. its pretty ridiculous that through the word of his disciples, the message has spread rapidly. think about it. all because of a few disciples…i have the privilege of hearing jesus’ prayer for me. is that not crazy?

john 17:3

…and this is life eternal, that they would know God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.

(notice that life eternal isn’t doing great things… notice that life eternal is knowing God?)

17:11

i am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and i’m coming to you.

(Jesus’ prayer for his disciples was that they would follow in his footsteps. that they would do what they saw him doing. so i look at jesus life like that. and so i can’t help but feel the pull to know where i’m going, like jesus did. he knew where he was going. this was not his home, the Father was his home and he was going to him.)

17:13

but now i am coming to you and these things i speak in the world. that they may have my joy fulfilled in themselves

(he died so we could have his joy.)

17:15

i do not ask that you would remove them from the world, but that you keep them from the evil one. 

(a reminder that darkness is real. and we have to resist it.)

17:17

sanctify them in truth. your word is truth.

(a call to be saturated in the truth of his words)

17:18

as you sent me into the world, so i have sent them into the world

(our call to live like he did)

17:18

and for their sake i consecrate myself, that they also might be sanctified in truth

17:23

i in them, and you in me, that they may become perfectly one. that the world would know that you have sent me, and love them even as you have loved me.

(the more we know God, the more intimate we become with him, the more we will know the love God has for us. when we know we’re loved, it changes us. when we know how much we are loved, it gives us the capacity to love others. thats how the world will know that this thing is for real.)

(but the thing that sticks out to me the most in here is that God loves us just like he loved Jesus. the same kind of love.)

17:25

oh righteous Father, even though the world does not know you, i know you, and these know that you have sent me.  i made known to them your name, and i will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and i in them.

(i want the world to know this love. the love that i have in God, i want the world to have. i don’t understand people who claim to be “christians” and yet proclaim a “christian” message in any method other than love. i don’t understand all the judgment christians have. maybe thats why its so hard for people to believe that God is real. maybe its because few christians really know God, but talk like they do.)

another day, reading just a chapter, has the power to change my heart… and has caused me to love God and the world around me a little bit more.

for friday:

read isaiah 55

***

hosea 2

good morning!!

i didn’t wake up as early as i wanted. it is definitely light outside. and emri and josie are here with me. so i have to make this quick.

i feel like i have to provide some kind of context for hosea since it starts out dramatic and mildly bizarre.

hosea is a story of a woman who gets bored of her husband and has an affair. multiple affairs. lots of sex outside of her marriage, you get the picture.

this woman running out on her husband is a picture of us running out on God when we get bored, unbelieving, or frazzled. i identify with all three. or maybe just running out on God when it doesn’t seem like he’s meeting our needs.

but whats beautiful…absolutely beautiful…

is that God tells Hosea to take his wife back. i hear rachel on friends right now saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” but it wasn’t like gomer and hosea were on a break. they were married. and gomer was sort of a crazy woman. a repeating offender of adultery. we all would say in unison, “get out now, gomer. don’t be dumb.”  but Hosea was someone who heard from God and obeyed even if it seemed like a crazy request. so God used Hosea’s life to paint a picture of the way God is always pursuing us even if we are repeatedly unfaithful to him. how did we get so lucky? how did we all obtain such radical love?

pretty incredible picture.

the name of hosea’s unfaithful wife is gomer.

two different contexts in here.

1. hosea’s redeeming love for his unfaithful, broken wife

2. God’s redeeming love for his unfaithful, broken people

hosea 2:13

i will punish her for the feast days of the baals. 

(side note: baal is a foreign god. it is not yawheh, the one true GOD. baal could also represent idols. an idol is anything we put our hope and trust in other than God…i have many in case you are wondering)

when she burned offerings to them and adorned herself with her rings and jewelry,

and went after her lovers and forgot me, declares the LORD.

i just have to stop and say that this part registers with me. i adorn myself and forget. if  i purchase something that will enhance my physical appearance, than i will have joy. or hope. what??? is this really hope?

God is just and righteous. He’s not beyond disciplining those he desperately loves. (hebrews 12…because of discipline we can endure)

God is also merciful. his favor runs over us and surrounds our lives like a thick shield.

here is how a merciful God speaks to the one he loves….

therefore, behold, i will allure her

and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.

and there i will give her vineyards

and make the valley of achor, a door of HOPE.

and there she shall sing, as in the days of her youth,

as at the time when she came out of the land of egypt.

this next part is an invitation that supersedes all father-child relationships. the kind we usually associate with us and God. but this is an intimacy thats greater. and its worth pausing.

sit still on this for a moment

and in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me, my husband, and no longer master.

and i will betroth you to me forever. i will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and mercy. 

and you shall know the Lord.

(i don’t know, i just hear God’s call to us here. he’s moved by us. and he desires us. this is is plea to us. his covenant with us is mercy and justice. he doesn’t just have a flattery, soft, kind of cheesy love. its a love that has depth and intelligence. a love that knows what we need. a love that knows intelligently, how to make us whole. thats the kind of love i want. don’t flatter me. make me whole.)

and as far as knowing the Lord…

i never felt like i knew God until i started reading the bible. i think i knew a lot of things about him. i think i knew what i was “supposed to do.” but it wasn’t until i started reading for myself that i realized that all these “supposed to-dos” were sort of man-made… not God made rules. and  God doesn’t really judge sinners. he desires intimacy with them. and God seems to take the wort sinner imaginable and ranks them right up with the most “obedient  christian”. God says that once you realize you are capable of making mistakes and sinning… you are just like the rest. we are all on the same page now. we all need God. and thats the bottom line. no ones better than the other. what is entirely amazing, is that an intelligent, creative, redeeming God wants to be intimate with a sinner like me.

for tomorrow: read john 17

***

psalms 63

its early this morning. i’ve been up for about an hour, but i went to bed at 9:30 so i’m not too tired. (i do have coffee with reddi whip in case you are wondering) the sun hasn’t come up yet. but i hear birds like crazy.

and i’m reading psalms 63. here are just a few reflections. i dare you to ask that God would awaken your hunger for him every day this week.

the message:

God-you are my God, and i can’t get enough of you

i’ve worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts.

(maybe difficulty produces hunger as well as patience. how  much do we need to hunger for God? i’m asking for hunger right now. there is a promise for the hungry as well. matt. 5:6)

so i here i am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in your strength and glory.

in your generous love i am really living at last!

my lips brim praises like fountains. i bless you every time i take a breath; my arms wave like banners of praise to you.

(this next is my verse i’m writing down and taking to school where i teach today. i’m going to look back on it continually in between classes. and i’m going to spend time reflecting on what i’m grateful for.)

if i’m sleepless at midnight, i spend the hours in grateful reflection. because you have always stood up for me, i’m free to run and play.  i hold on to you for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post.

***

Lord, awaken us to our need. give us hunger. let us crave you. and let us find that you are generous and satisfying. yes. i ask that you would make us hungry. make kansas city hungry. make our friends and family hungry. make the world hungry. we really do love you. and we’ll spend our lives on you. you are worth it.

***

 for wednesday: read hosea 2

challenge: meditate on how far, how intimate God wants to be with us. write a paragraph about that.

john 14

so i’ve been very busy on my blog. but i said i would process john 14 today, so i am

 not that i think i’m some expert. please. i thought that, if it would be helpful to somebody out there….just even onebody, then its totally worth it to me.

john 14 was one of the chapters i encouraged you to read today. i typed out some of the stuff that hit me. it is rather long. so maybe we’ll just do a chapter a day. we’ll read psalms 63 for tomorrow. cool?

when i read scripture, i act like i’m digging. i slowly read verses that move me. and read them again. verses that i don’t understand, i just pass over for now. when i do find a verse that i identify with, i write it down in my journal. not always the whole verse, just the part that speaks to me. and i hold on to it. i meditate on it. and i take it with me for the day.

john 14: 1

do not let your heart be troubled.

this tells me that God is compassionate over me. and that’s he’s comforting me. and that i have some element of choice in being troubled. that i can relinquish my troubles to some extent. its a comfort and a challenge all at the same time.

john 14:3

for i go to prepare a place for you. that wherever i am, you will be also.

this verse speaks of the Kingdom of God… heaven. its a place that has been uniquely designed. just like earth. except without pain…. and better. without room for brokeness and sin. it seems like God is anticipating us entering heaven more than us. like us entering will be the fulfillment of his joy. he wants us there. he wants us with him. this also speaks of the intimacy we have with him. the intimacy he longs to have with us. he wants us where he is.

john 14:8

philip said to Jesus, “show us the Father and we will be content. ”  and Jesus answered, “i have been with you so long, philip, and you still do not know me?

sometimes we think if we could only SEE something tangible then we would believe. and i think the response is that there is so much that is already tangible that we disregard. and i also think that we can know lots of things about Jesus and still not know him. such was the case with philip. and with me for a whole lot of my life.

john 14:23

if anyone loves me, he will keep my word. and my Father will love him, and we will come and make our dwelling place with him. 

(this part is the promise of a relationship with Jesus. it also reminds me that Jesus is a gentlemen. he doesn’t force intimacy. he waits to be invited.)

john 14:27

peace i leave with you. my peace i give to you. not as the world gives, but as i give to you.

do not let your heart be troubled. don’t let it be afraid.

these verses speak of a peace that only comes from God. the world simply can’t give it. you can’t obtain it through money, or what you have, how many great relationships you have…and at the same time. there is a peace that we receive regardless of what the world is spewing at us. rejection, fear, death, sickness…pain. there is a peace that is offered that transcends all this suffering.

these are just the verses that spoke to me. they might mean something entirely different to you, and thats okay. you may have found a verse that was meaningful to you that i passed over.

remember: psalms 63 for tuesday.

the challenge for tomorrow?

write down one verse from the chapter…somewhere you will see all day. go over it a few times while you go through your day. come on, do it. whose with me?

***

hunger

this weekend i had a good friend of mine ask me to teach her how to read the bible.

 she wanted to develop a hunger for it.

as soon as i had a few moments i started writing her an e-mail. this is something i’m really passionate about. i just finished the e-mail and sent it to her. i couldn’t help but think, after i clicked the send button, that i should process the same stuff here in this blog.

people have varying opinions about the bible. there is probably a wide spectrum of beliefs about it. maybe there are parts of the bible that are controversial. maybe some parts that are hard to understand. some that seem hypocritical or confusing. parts where God seems ridiculously harsh? i think all those questions are valid. i don’t know the answers to them all.

what i do know, is that reading this “bible” has changed my life for the better. its as if i hear a voice as i read. i don’t always understand every verse  i read. i don’t get every piece. but i hear a voice. and i see themes that are consistent through the whole book. and it seems as though its alive. or that it has some kind of power. it’s had the power to change my mind, my anger, my fears, and my insecurities. and i hear a story written. a big story. and its sort of like a big puzzle you piece together.

and i see promises. promises in simple verses, that even a child could understand. here is what’s happened to me…

i’ve fallen for an invisible God. and yes, sometimes, i do feel crazy. it started with reading my bible. and i was only 16. that’s when Jesus became alive to me. i started reading through these pages and it was as if Jesus was sitting right next to me as i read. i started to sense his presence and his movements.

i’ll tell you the story later. i’m sure some of you might think its lame. but its my story. and its true. i think thats why i’m so passionate about scripture. that’s how i fell in love with God. anyway, my eyes are filling up with tears as i type and i’m getting distracted from what i initially wanted to write about.

i thought i might  share with you how i read my bible. take it or leave it. but its here if you want. i gave my friend a reading schedule for the week. if you are someone who is semi-interested in reading through a bible, and you don’t really know where to start, maybe this might help.

for monday:

a fresh, new week. i challenge you. see what happens for the week. do it.

john 14 and psalms 63

(if this seems like a whole lot, just take one or the other)

i’ll be reading them too and processing the content on here as well.  who knows? maybe this will help someone.

***

cartoon jesus

i’m sitting here on this beautiful monday morning, snuggled up with my three year old -on our compfy couch under a blanket. we both have our robes on. we’ve been holding hands. i think its incredibly important to reposition your heart and mind before God…specifically in the mornings. for the last year, emri has been watching these sweet, cartoon stories about the life of Jesus. its our way of teaching her to be with God before we start our day. the reality of Jesus has come alive to my daughter. and i think these videos have played a little part. so while emri watches these videos, i get to read my bible. i get distracted with the videos every once in a while. like this morning, she was watching one on the miracles of Jesus. i found myself getting lost in this story. a story that is told in animation, somehow has the power to move me. in the story, two parents take their son, who has cerebral palsy, on a journey to find Jesus and when they do, they lay their son before him. Jesus looks into his eyes with so much love and care. He puts his hands on the boy’s shoulder and says,

“your parents are filled with faith. and you are filled with longing.”

immediately, the boy’s health is restored entirely.

and this little animation has moved me to tears.

i think its because these stories are so very real to me. and i’ve experienced them over and over again. when hurting, broken people find jesus (broken people like me) -it’s amazing to see the way Jesus responds with healing. i continue to see the redemptive work of God all over my life.

God doesn’t always respond in my time in the exact way that i maybe expect. but he does respond. always. and there is not one thing in our lives that is beyond God’s healing and restoration. He lives to redeem every part of our lives. every part that hurts or doesn’t work right.

every second that passes, is one second closer to seeing Jesus. and one second closer to being made whole. i may have strengths, i may have a few things going for me. but do not be fooled. i’m desperately in need of someone to rescue me.

i’ll share with you something about me that is broken.

i have found the most incredible treasure in knowing Jesus. in knowing that Jesus died so that I could be restored and be healed. and not just that i would be restored and healed, but that everyone around me could experience that too. and i have no idea how to share that.

i don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable. i don’t want things to get awkward. i don’t want to force any story that i believe on anyone else. yet, i believe, with all of my being, that this story of redemption is for everyone. and i have no idea how to make it known.  so in some ways i just feel stuck. like i feel like i was made to tell this story, but how? is there anyway to do that in a way that is normal? in a way that is down to earth? i’m laughing because i feel like there is just no way to do that in a normal, down to earth kind of way.

ben and i feel like we are kind of at a tipping point. like we are so close to having breakthrough with this part of our brokeness. and if we would stop getting sick long enough to have consistent rest and clarity of mind, then maybe we’ll experience this breakthrough sooner than we think.

we have been contemplating moving to kansas city, kansas. in an area where there just seems to be a lot of need. when you look back at what Jesus taught over the course of his life, he often communicated that its easier for the poor to see the gospel than the rich. i think that’s true. don’t you? when things are going great, and you have everything you “need”, who needs a God you can’t see?

sometimes difficulty in our lives is a blessing. because we finally have a chance to be awakened to our need. we’re reminded that we need God. maybe that’s why Ephesians 3:13 says.

“i ask you not to lose heart at tribulations on your behalf, for they are your glory“

so we’ve been processing what it would look like to live there. to start community gardens. to hold jobs there. to invite people over.  to contribute to the economy. to renovate a house. to invite our friends to come with us. what if a whole family of friends moved into the area and it changed a community forever? i’m kind of a dreamer. but wouldn’t that be a amazing?

in other exciting news, emri is walking around in a little t shirt and panties as i type. she has the sweetest wedgie you could ever imagine.

***