a burning bush

the story of moses begins in egypt,

pharoah’s kingdom was expanding and becoming great. it was being built on the backs of hebrew slaves. pharoah noticed that the slaves were increasing in number. in order to prevent the hebrews from over-populating egypt and taking over, he ordered all the first born sons of the hebrew slaves to be taken and thrown in the nile. (which i can’t really fathom).

a hebrew momma, who must have been warned in advance, placed her baby boy in a basket and released the basket in the nile river… to prevent the egyptian guards from ripping him from her arms. hoping that God would make a way out for her son.

that mommas’s hope did not disappoint because the current carried the basket near pharoah’s palace where the basket was noticed by pharoah’s wife. she noticed the baby, and drew him out of the water. her heart melted and she took him as her own and named him moses.

 and so moses became a prince.

  as he grew up, he noticed the mistreatment of the slaves in egypt. it affected him so deeply that he killed an egyptian guard who was beating one of the hebrews during the days work.

it was then that moses fled egypt in shame and fear and journeyed to midian in the desert. moses begins a new life. he becomes a shepherd, gets married, and starts a family. moses grows quite comfortable.

and one day, while shepherding his flock, he sees a burning bush. not just an ordinary bush that may have caught fire due to the desert heat, but a steady fire that was not consuming the bush. moses draws near in curiosity and God begins to speak to him.

 what is important to note,is that these old testaments stories serve as pictures for us. this is how our creator God seems to speak to us. through pictures and parables. these pictures are lenses for us to see our lives through. the way moses’ life unfolds is deeply profound. not simply because he soon will forge his way into egypt and overtake all of their deities…which is insane and unbelievable…

but that God took an insecure human being and spoke identity into him. and used him to overthrow an entire kingdom.

exodus 3:1

now moses was tending the flock of jethro his father-in-law, the priest of midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to horeb, the mountain of God.

the angel of God appeared to him in flames of fire blazing out of the middle of a bush. he looked. the bush was blazing away but it didn’t burn up.

God called to him, “moses, moses”

moses replied. “i’m here”

God continued, “don’t come any closer. remove your sandals from your feet. you’re standing on holy ground…

i am the God of your fathers; the God of abraham, the god of isaac, the god of jacob”

you see God is telling moses something. he’s telling moses who he is.

as if he’s calling you by name saying,

i know you. 

i know where you came from.

and i know your story.

God had a serious mission for moses to partake in, but he wasn’t going to commission moses until he spoke moses’ identity into him.

you see, God wants our lives. but before we have the capacity to give him anything, we must know who we are.

and i think its worth resting upon. and praying over. and asking God to tell us who we are. and what he thinks of us.

our american culture lies to us and tells us we are what we produce.

so we give our whole lives away to work so that we can be something one day.

we give up everything for whatever we think will define us. our careers, money, exercise, being physically healthy, being a good mom or dad, being creative, being competent, being intelligent, being relational, being funny, being successful,  striving to produce something great so that we can, one day, have significance or value.

but God is telling us something else, and it would behoove us and change our lives if we listen,

we are not defined by what we do. 

and we will never be able to carry out the doing of wonderful things successfully until we know this.

if we don’t know who we are, we will not figure it out by giving our lives away, striving to become something by what we do.

because we already are. we have significance because we bear the imprint of God on us. and we have accepted this covenant relationship with him.

everything he is, for everything we are.

there is a covenant, written in blood.

it is our marriage, our union, our covenant with GOD that gives us our identity. nothing else.

nothing else.

it might be good to land on that point before i continue the story for next post. don’t know about you, but that’s a lot for me to digest in one sitting!

***

moses

i love the story of moses.

his journey fascinates me. i’ve been reading through it this summer and it has sent me into major meditation.

i’m going to begin telling the story of moses on my blog.

first off: there are two major themes in the bible that weave their way in out of scripture.

1. our covenant relationship with God. (our covenant relationship gives us our sense of identity.)

2. our responsibility. our response to what the Lord is doing in our lives. (this is how we live out the Kingdom of God here)

and what i love about the story of moses is that it reminds me of what God is doing in my life, and the lives of those around me right now. he’s awakening us to the battle that is around us. i believe that we are all wired for battle. for adventure. for a story. that in our identity with the father, we have what it takes to be warriors for a movement that could change the world.

as i said before in a previous post, i’ve been journeying with jesus for a while now. learning who he is and who i am IN HIM. but now i’m dreaming about what it looks like to engage in this battle we are in.

thus enters the ideas of covenant and kingdom.

 we find ordinary people that God engaged with. every one of them wrestled with their identity. and then God began giving them missions to carry out. and their success in responding with obedience hinged on their sense of identity.

abraham.

joseph.

moses.

esther.

ruth.

gideon.

just to name a few. here is what keeps happening. God calls us. and it doesn’t take long to realize this. some of us recognize our calling and see that we are gifted to some degree (which is true) but sometimes we develop a sense of arrogance. maybe child-like narcisicism that suggests to ourselves that we are  more gifted than someone else. that others need us. (gag) but how true is this sometimes? i do believe people are gifted. i believe we all have gifts. i just do not believe that anyone is better or more qualified to carry out what God has called us to do than anyone else. we all have different callings on our lives. and we are all equally capable of doing what God has created us to do. whatever that looks like.  but what causes people to fail, is when we think we have what it takes in and of ourselves. and we move forward in obedience with this perspective. we think we “got” it. but it will never work like that. every situation fails in biblical history when someone moves forward with this perspective. its as if God isn’t letting us. like he’s trying to teach us something.

arrogance was the problem with joseph. he journeyed for a long time in slavery until he had the perspective that he couldn’t accomplish anything of himself. but that God could do something big through him.

some of us stall in insecurity, thinking we don’t have what it takes. and that God could never use us. this insecurity and frailty is just as toxic as the first. such was the case with moses.

and so into this story, i begin. i will continue to tell the story of moses throughout the next several posts.

 but first, i must post this little video of my daughter telling her version of the story.

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***

quiet space

there are a lot of things that are important to ben and i. a lot of things that we want to instill into emri. things we want to be a part of our family culture. things that become just a part of who we are.

but one of the biggest things we want for emri is for her to know jesus. a part from what she does. we want her to know God. to know his presence, his comfort, his peace, his joy. we want her to experience what its like to start to see God in her life. and to hear him. and the biggest part of experiencing all those things is creating quiet space in our lives to make that happen. and so ben and i do that. its a very strong part of our lives. and we believe that it is immensely important. so little em sees us do it. and i think its precious that i see her doing the same thing…on her own. i know she really doesn’t fully get what she’s doing, but she does know that her little pink bible is a letter written to her by God through the hand of man. and that its important to read it and to talk about it with each other.

its moments like this that warm my heart but also freak me out. okay, so what other things is she observing and emulating that i don’t want her to?

hearing and being with jesus is huge to our family.

this part of our lives speaks of our covenant relationship with Jesus and it speaks a strong sense of identity into us.

the other part of our lives that is immensely important is how we respond to God in what we are experiencing with him.

you know, like the actually carrying out of what we are learning. we find that in all that we experience and receive from God, it is necessary that we respond in obedience.

we call that, “living in God’s kingdom”. meaning, God has a new world order that he wants to bring here on earth. a world order that makes wrong things right.  and for those who are responding to what God is doing and saying in their lives, they are responding to Jesus’ rule and kingdom that he is bringing here and now in the world. a kingdom where wrong things are being made right. some people are responding to God’s kingdom here and they don’t even know it.

but before we respond to God, we have to know him and be with him. and enjoy him, so we can see what he’s doing and respond to it.

call us crazy. but we actually believe all that. : ) but i can’t apologize too much because it has changed our lives dramatically, how could we not respond to it?

***

covenant

i believe we have an enemy. and i always cringe sort of when i mention this because i always feel like its going to come across so dramatic. but listen. it is kind of dramatic. what happened in joplin and in alabama is dramatic. its appalling. its disgusting. its evil. what happened on september 11th was evil. and the root behind all the terrible things we encounter is evil. and its our enemy.

i also think this evil is powerful. and it attacks us at a very personal level. and i think the place where the enemy attacks us first is our identity.

i need to admit very candidly that this past week, my sense of identity was mixed up and turned upside down. if i can’t get my identity straight, i won’t be able to see the people around me for who they are either. my ability to give back to the world is wadded up into a paper ball. we are all facing our own battles. we are all fighting. and sometimes the person you are cussing out on the street, is just having a really hard time. how can we help each other fight our battles if we are  unaware of who we are? chances are…if we are unaware of who we are, we are unaware of who they are.

you know why i like God so much?

because of a verse that says

we have been made in the likness of God.

we are all walking, breathing, laughing, creating, communal, loving characteristics of God.

look around at your favorites. pick pieces out of all your loved ones. you will start to paint a picture of a pretty incredible God that is calling us to him.

you know another reason why i like him so much?

he traded my little life for his life.

everything i had, i gave to him. what do i have? let me think of what i have….

hmmmm.

a little bit of creativity. just a little bit. i thought i was creative until i started reading blogs. ha.

a heart that beats pretty desperately for a God i can’t see

a temper

an emotional mess. thankfully not all the time

forgetfulness

inability to multitask well

infertility

some more broken parts

maybe some more good parts

there is a little bit of good and a whole lot of bad. and i didn’t realize all the bad i had until i started to learn the character of God. then i realized i was sort of upside down and broken. but you know what is kind of crazy about being upside down and broken? God uses those broken parts perfectly to reveal himself to us. God has promised me a few things i’d like to share.

something really big.

i figured out quickly that i was a little screwed up. and that everyone is. and screwed up and broken = death.

but God decided he would take on my brokeness and my death. that i wouldn’t have to carry it anymore.

and he told me i could have his identity instead… if i believed in him.

that everything i had to offer, would be his. and all that he had to offer, would be mine.

i think i got the better end of the deal

how is that possible?

that means we have access to a kingdom. a community. a thriving city….that is to come. not some hocus pocus, dorky, cloud-like version of heaven we have in our heads. but like a thriving, way more beautiful picture of our world. without brokenness, sickness, disasters, and death.

and wealth. we have no idea what wealth we have to come.

but more importantly, more meaningful than the riches of all that…

is that i’m forgiven.

not even just that…. but God looks at my life through Jesus. this means he doesn’t see all the wrong i’ve done. he’s written it off. i get to go free.

and he’s proud of me. and that he loves me. no matter what. he’s proud of me. i’m his. and he’s pleased. and he’s enamored. by little me.

but i’m not so little to him. i’m pretty breathtaking to him. i have all of his attention and all his affection.

you should probably be jealous

and i should probably be jealous of you, because you have all that too.

for all of us who think we have to earn God’s favor. we have been misled.

he’s pleased. we have his favor. he’s proud.

do you hear me?

he’s proud of you.

because he’s given us Jesus to stand before us.

this makes me laugh out loud its so good!!!

i kind of want to dance around. its too weighty to strive your whole life for your identity. working so hard to be all sorts of things. we already have a freaking incredible identity. and if you leave the noise and clatter of your to do list and your goals for just a few minutes….you’ll hear it. it will be spoken into you as you ask for it.

who do we have to accuse when jesus stands before every sinner, including yourself?

jennifer knap has an old cd. the words on the cd have changed my life. she created lyrics about a story found in the bible that pictures some of the stuff that we see around us today.

a woman caught in adultery was sent before Jesus. they wanted to stone her. and Jesus says the proverbial,

“let he without sin cast the first stone.”

everyone walked away. no one picked up a stone. they were all speechless. i wish i would become a little bit more speechless when it comes to accusing.

this poor woman looked into the eyes of Jesus and found acceptance and a different identity than what her accusers were giving her. a different identity than what she was giving herself.

 the song goes like this in the perspective of Jesus,

“let he without sin cast the first stone if you will,

to say that my bride isn’t worth have the blood that i’ve spilled.

point your finger and laugh if you choose, to say my beloved is borrowed and used.”

and her response is,

“i am weak and i’m poor, i’m broken, Lord, but i’m yours. hold me now.”

the world was speaking shame to her, but Jesus was calling her his bride. his love. the woman in whom he had established a covenant relationship with. all she had, for all he had.

and the moment she believed that, he began restoring all her brokenness. and the journey of God making something beautiful out of her life began.

he’s making beautiful things out of us. i might be broken, but lots of things have been made whole. and he is still restoring me. my heart is filled with hope.  and for all that, i will wrap my arms around  Jesus and cling to him for dear life.

***

crazy b

being on progesterone sucks. i… am… a crazywoman. my poor husband. i’ve been so mad at him. and for nothing. he’s been so nice. i feel like i’m in a constant state of frizzy hair and scary eyes. i’m just waiting for him to do something wrong. and if he doesn’t, than i’ll use something lame as an excuse to be mad at him.

these are our conversations lately,

“ben, i’m sorry i’m being such a b#$&*.”

two seconds later.

“i’m sorry i’m a b#$%*”

and two seconds later

“i know, i’m a b#$%&. i’m so sorry”

i can apologize really well. but the bitchiness…i have no control it seems like. i’m deeply blessed that he has given me lots of gentle grace for all of my tantrums. he encapsulates God’s tender compassion on my life.

and emri. sweet little, sassy emri.

i got a little crazy on her as well yesterday. and in my defense, i was trying to bake and ice a cake and protect emri and sweet josie bear from the tornadoes around kansas city. that is not an easy thing to do.

i sort of lost it. i snapped at her. to be honest, i sort of growled. i didn’t know i could growl. and i made her cry.

i’m taking a deep breath as i type. its true.

and so i picked her up. and wrapped my arms around her. and i told her i was sorry. i told her that i shouldn’t yell at her like that and i was sorry for losing my temper.

and in this soft whimper she responded like this,

“oh, you lost it? you cannot find it?”

her watery eyes were looking all around the room for my temper.

i almost wanted to say,

“emri, i really don’t want to find it. i want it to be gone forever”

but instead, i was just comforted by her innocence.

my heart aches. i feel this little bubble of grace around me though as i’m trying to manage my hormonal imbalances and continue this journey of trying to get pregnant.

 many times this week i’ve cried out, “Holy Spirit, come and get me.”

and i hear him say,

“i’m already here.”

i almost want to quit.

but i’m not convinced this pregnancy battle is over.

i’m going to keep moving forward. progesterone pills and all. at least for now.

i’ll leave you with this picture of emri.

tuesday morning we were getting ready for school. i’m putting on my makeup in the bathroom. emri was in the middle of making a craft. she found these silver little sticky balls (i’m sorry, i don’t know what else to call them) and walks into the bathroom and says,

“momma?”

i look over and i see that she has placed a silver ball on her nose. just like her mamma.

whats funny is that she insisted she wear it to school. and she did.

***

know who you are

you know how lots and lots and lots

of things happen in our lives? every day, every week, over seasons, and years? of course the big stuff we notice, but then there are little details that often go unnoticed.

we have hopes, and dreams, and the plans we make to move forward in what we believe is what we want.

and sometimes it feels as though our hopes and dreams or even our plans are not going to work.

that maybe they have gone unrecognized. or maybe that we go unrecognized.

but what if all the things that happens to us, every single day, are perfect building blocks on which God is using to fulfill all that we have hoped, planned, and desired? even the small details that go unnoticed?

what if we don’t even know our deepest desires yet?

i have a few hopes and dreams.

i want the world to know that Jesus is alive and real.

i also want emri to know Jesus.

i want her to know that he is alive and real.

that there may be very difficult seasons in her life ahead, but that Jesus is tangible even then.

and that Jesus came to restore her life.

that she doesn’t have to be afraid.

and that because of the fantastic news that Jesus died on the cross to exchange our life for his… she has what it takes.

that she doesn’t have to live in insecurity or take on our culture’s view of what a woman should be.

we can’t tell her who she is, only God can.

but we can create the space for Him to.

we can do our part.

and the big question is, what does that look like for us as parents? what is our part?

i encountered God for the first time when i was 17. and i was so immature and new in all of it that

i zealously plowed through people with my ideas. and good grief. things were so black and white to me. God was so gracious with me. and the more

i pressed into the life of Jesus, and the way he lived, and the things he taught… it  humbled me.

sometimes i am able to position myself before God in a way that allows me to actually hear him and see him.

the view is breathtaking. and humbling all at the same time.

 the kind of humility i experience before God is safe. its just safe. and its spacious and free. and i can finally breath.

because for once i am no longer trying to be someone or prove myself. i breathe in and out. and i’m reminded that i’m loved just as i am.  i don’t have to become anything or do anything so great to know that either. and the moments that i have felt the closest to the Lord and the most intimate with him have been the times when i have felt lost in my brokenness. places in my life where i couldn’t seem to get anything right. and from my small experience in knowing Jesus, i just believe that he has a “thing” for those who are hurting and those who seem to flounder. he is drawn to them. i think that is why he is so drawn to me. maybe that’s why i can’t get away from him. he’s on to me. and he wont’ let me go.

and somehow when i first started to believe in God and the whole Jesus thing… i thought i was pretty special. i felt super “called”. and set a part. and my whole mindset was pretty selfish. its kind of embarrassing to admit, but its really true. and i think that’s how a lot of christians or catholics…or any other jesus believing people feel at first.

and if we keep going with this whole God thing….we either develop as we are humbled through the realization that you are no more “called” or “chosen” than the annoying homeless guy at the plaza sitting on an upside-down bucket asking for a couple bucks for a burger. (is he even homeless?) and that God wants to heal him just as he longs to heal you. you are no more special than the rest. and they are no more special than you.

i think its easy in our american culture to want to feel extra “special”. its like we want to work hard to be our “own person”. we give people in hollywood more credit than what is appropriate. or maybe even people we see on facebook. and we also judge ourselves for not being more unique or gifted or whatever.

and its all wrong.

we are all loved and adored. and we are all equally called and chosen.

sometimes we don’t get to that realization and we flounder in legalism and judgement. pointing our fingers at people who don’t believe like we do. having a whole lot to say about a whole lot of stuff, pushing people farther and father away from the Jesus we claim we believe in.

while in all actuality, if that is the state of our hearts, we are far away from his heart too.

i guess what i’m getting at is that we don’t have to be anybody other than who we are right now to experience the fulfilling of our hopes and desires.

not that i believe that things just get placed on our laps with no effort.  maybe sometimes.

i believe in effort. heck i believe our lives are battles. and that it may cost us everything.

i think its important we know that we are already everything we need to be.

so my challenge is this. in the midst of all of  your plans, your hopes, and your dreams… take a deep breath. create some space in your life and ask God to tell you who you are.

ask Him to speak your identity to you.

***

john 17

this is an intense chapter. i’m not really sure where to begin. i don’t even know if i should attach my process to these powerful verses.

i will also say the past couple days have been a little sad for ben and i. we had an appointment with our reproductive specialist and found out that my body has stopped responding to the medicine that i’ve been taking. it kind of felt like we had taken 5 steps back after trying to get pregnant for the last year. so we’ll keep moving forward in our plans. we’ll change up the medicine. and know that we have every reason to trust that God is way bigger than the complications in my body. and that he holds all things together. whatever the case. whatever happens. we can hope in God who desires to fulfill his joy in our lives.

so john 17.

this is Jesus’ prayer to God right before he died. whether or not you believe jesus was actually God, this prayer is still really intense. this is his documented prayer. so if Jesus was just a “good guy”…i’m still blown away by this prayer.

but i believe that Jesus was God. so this prayer deeply moves me. he’s praying for his disciples. and not just for his disciples, but for those who will believe in him through the word of his disciples. wow. thats me. that’s a lot of people. its pretty ridiculous that through the word of his disciples, the message has spread rapidly. think about it. all because of a few disciples…i have the privilege of hearing jesus’ prayer for me. is that not crazy?

john 17:3

…and this is life eternal, that they would know God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.

(notice that life eternal isn’t doing great things… notice that life eternal is knowing God?)

17:11

i am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and i’m coming to you.

(Jesus’ prayer for his disciples was that they would follow in his footsteps. that they would do what they saw him doing. so i look at jesus life like that. and so i can’t help but feel the pull to know where i’m going, like jesus did. he knew where he was going. this was not his home, the Father was his home and he was going to him.)

17:13

but now i am coming to you and these things i speak in the world. that they may have my joy fulfilled in themselves

(he died so we could have his joy.)

17:15

i do not ask that you would remove them from the world, but that you keep them from the evil one. 

(a reminder that darkness is real. and we have to resist it.)

17:17

sanctify them in truth. your word is truth.

(a call to be saturated in the truth of his words)

17:18

as you sent me into the world, so i have sent them into the world

(our call to live like he did)

17:18

and for their sake i consecrate myself, that they also might be sanctified in truth

17:23

i in them, and you in me, that they may become perfectly one. that the world would know that you have sent me, and love them even as you have loved me.

(the more we know God, the more intimate we become with him, the more we will know the love God has for us. when we know we’re loved, it changes us. when we know how much we are loved, it gives us the capacity to love others. thats how the world will know that this thing is for real.)

(but the thing that sticks out to me the most in here is that God loves us just like he loved Jesus. the same kind of love.)

17:25

oh righteous Father, even though the world does not know you, i know you, and these know that you have sent me.  i made known to them your name, and i will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and i in them.

(i want the world to know this love. the love that i have in God, i want the world to have. i don’t understand people who claim to be “christians” and yet proclaim a “christian” message in any method other than love. i don’t understand all the judgment christians have. maybe thats why its so hard for people to believe that God is real. maybe its because few christians really know God, but talk like they do.)

another day, reading just a chapter, has the power to change my heart… and has caused me to love God and the world around me a little bit more.

for friday:

read isaiah 55

***

hosea 2

good morning!!

i didn’t wake up as early as i wanted. it is definitely light outside. and emri and josie are here with me. so i have to make this quick.

i feel like i have to provide some kind of context for hosea since it starts out dramatic and mildly bizarre.

hosea is a story of a woman who gets bored of her husband and has an affair. multiple affairs. lots of sex outside of her marriage, you get the picture.

this woman running out on her husband is a picture of us running out on God when we get bored, unbelieving, or frazzled. i identify with all three. or maybe just running out on God when it doesn’t seem like he’s meeting our needs.

but whats beautiful…absolutely beautiful…

is that God tells Hosea to take his wife back. i hear rachel on friends right now saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” but it wasn’t like gomer and hosea were on a break. they were married. and gomer was sort of a crazy woman. a repeating offender of adultery. we all would say in unison, “get out now, gomer. don’t be dumb.”  but Hosea was someone who heard from God and obeyed even if it seemed like a crazy request. so God used Hosea’s life to paint a picture of the way God is always pursuing us even if we are repeatedly unfaithful to him. how did we get so lucky? how did we all obtain such radical love?

pretty incredible picture.

the name of hosea’s unfaithful wife is gomer.

two different contexts in here.

1. hosea’s redeeming love for his unfaithful, broken wife

2. God’s redeeming love for his unfaithful, broken people

hosea 2:13

i will punish her for the feast days of the baals. 

(side note: baal is a foreign god. it is not yawheh, the one true GOD. baal could also represent idols. an idol is anything we put our hope and trust in other than God…i have many in case you are wondering)

when she burned offerings to them and adorned herself with her rings and jewelry,

and went after her lovers and forgot me, declares the LORD.

i just have to stop and say that this part registers with me. i adorn myself and forget. if  i purchase something that will enhance my physical appearance, than i will have joy. or hope. what??? is this really hope?

God is just and righteous. He’s not beyond disciplining those he desperately loves. (hebrews 12…because of discipline we can endure)

God is also merciful. his favor runs over us and surrounds our lives like a thick shield.

here is how a merciful God speaks to the one he loves….

therefore, behold, i will allure her

and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.

and there i will give her vineyards

and make the valley of achor, a door of HOPE.

and there she shall sing, as in the days of her youth,

as at the time when she came out of the land of egypt.

this next part is an invitation that supersedes all father-child relationships. the kind we usually associate with us and God. but this is an intimacy thats greater. and its worth pausing.

sit still on this for a moment

and in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me, my husband, and no longer master.

and i will betroth you to me forever. i will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and mercy. 

and you shall know the Lord.

(i don’t know, i just hear God’s call to us here. he’s moved by us. and he desires us. this is is plea to us. his covenant with us is mercy and justice. he doesn’t just have a flattery, soft, kind of cheesy love. its a love that has depth and intelligence. a love that knows what we need. a love that knows intelligently, how to make us whole. thats the kind of love i want. don’t flatter me. make me whole.)

and as far as knowing the Lord…

i never felt like i knew God until i started reading the bible. i think i knew a lot of things about him. i think i knew what i was “supposed to do.” but it wasn’t until i started reading for myself that i realized that all these “supposed to-dos” were sort of man-made… not God made rules. and  God doesn’t really judge sinners. he desires intimacy with them. and God seems to take the wort sinner imaginable and ranks them right up with the most “obedient  christian”. God says that once you realize you are capable of making mistakes and sinning… you are just like the rest. we are all on the same page now. we all need God. and thats the bottom line. no ones better than the other. what is entirely amazing, is that an intelligent, creative, redeeming God wants to be intimate with a sinner like me.

for tomorrow: read john 17

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psalms 63

its early this morning. i’ve been up for about an hour, but i went to bed at 9:30 so i’m not too tired. (i do have coffee with reddi whip in case you are wondering) the sun hasn’t come up yet. but i hear birds like crazy.

and i’m reading psalms 63. here are just a few reflections. i dare you to ask that God would awaken your hunger for him every day this week.

the message:

God-you are my God, and i can’t get enough of you

i’ve worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts.

(maybe difficulty produces hunger as well as patience. how  much do we need to hunger for God? i’m asking for hunger right now. there is a promise for the hungry as well. matt. 5:6)

so i here i am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in your strength and glory.

in your generous love i am really living at last!

my lips brim praises like fountains. i bless you every time i take a breath; my arms wave like banners of praise to you.

(this next is my verse i’m writing down and taking to school where i teach today. i’m going to look back on it continually in between classes. and i’m going to spend time reflecting on what i’m grateful for.)

if i’m sleepless at midnight, i spend the hours in grateful reflection. because you have always stood up for me, i’m free to run and play.  i hold on to you for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post.

***

Lord, awaken us to our need. give us hunger. let us crave you. and let us find that you are generous and satisfying. yes. i ask that you would make us hungry. make kansas city hungry. make our friends and family hungry. make the world hungry. we really do love you. and we’ll spend our lives on you. you are worth it.

***

 for wednesday: read hosea 2

challenge: meditate on how far, how intimate God wants to be with us. write a paragraph about that.

john 14

so i’ve been very busy on my blog. but i said i would process john 14 today, so i am

 not that i think i’m some expert. please. i thought that, if it would be helpful to somebody out there….just even onebody, then its totally worth it to me.

john 14 was one of the chapters i encouraged you to read today. i typed out some of the stuff that hit me. it is rather long. so maybe we’ll just do a chapter a day. we’ll read psalms 63 for tomorrow. cool?

when i read scripture, i act like i’m digging. i slowly read verses that move me. and read them again. verses that i don’t understand, i just pass over for now. when i do find a verse that i identify with, i write it down in my journal. not always the whole verse, just the part that speaks to me. and i hold on to it. i meditate on it. and i take it with me for the day.

john 14: 1

do not let your heart be troubled.

this tells me that God is compassionate over me. and that’s he’s comforting me. and that i have some element of choice in being troubled. that i can relinquish my troubles to some extent. its a comfort and a challenge all at the same time.

john 14:3

for i go to prepare a place for you. that wherever i am, you will be also.

this verse speaks of the Kingdom of God… heaven. its a place that has been uniquely designed. just like earth. except without pain…. and better. without room for brokeness and sin. it seems like God is anticipating us entering heaven more than us. like us entering will be the fulfillment of his joy. he wants us there. he wants us with him. this also speaks of the intimacy we have with him. the intimacy he longs to have with us. he wants us where he is.

john 14:8

philip said to Jesus, “show us the Father and we will be content. ”  and Jesus answered, “i have been with you so long, philip, and you still do not know me?

sometimes we think if we could only SEE something tangible then we would believe. and i think the response is that there is so much that is already tangible that we disregard. and i also think that we can know lots of things about Jesus and still not know him. such was the case with philip. and with me for a whole lot of my life.

john 14:23

if anyone loves me, he will keep my word. and my Father will love him, and we will come and make our dwelling place with him. 

(this part is the promise of a relationship with Jesus. it also reminds me that Jesus is a gentlemen. he doesn’t force intimacy. he waits to be invited.)

john 14:27

peace i leave with you. my peace i give to you. not as the world gives, but as i give to you.

do not let your heart be troubled. don’t let it be afraid.

these verses speak of a peace that only comes from God. the world simply can’t give it. you can’t obtain it through money, or what you have, how many great relationships you have…and at the same time. there is a peace that we receive regardless of what the world is spewing at us. rejection, fear, death, sickness…pain. there is a peace that is offered that transcends all this suffering.

these are just the verses that spoke to me. they might mean something entirely different to you, and thats okay. you may have found a verse that was meaningful to you that i passed over.

remember: psalms 63 for tuesday.

the challenge for tomorrow?

write down one verse from the chapter…somewhere you will see all day. go over it a few times while you go through your day. come on, do it. whose with me?

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